Friday, 10 June 2011

Feeling strange

I know I have posted today, and I know not many people read this, but I wanted to write down somewhere how I am feeling. Today my dad phoned, and said that my mum has been going into a pysch hospital as a voluntary patient, just in the daytimes. My mum has suffered from depression for a long time, and the longer it goes on, the harder it is to understand and be compassionate. Now I feel really weird that my mum has got to that stage. It's odd to think that she can find it easier to go out for the day with a few people that have mental illness, than be with my dad. I find it difficult as she often makes arrangements, and then cancels, because she's not having a good day, but we have to have her down whenever it suits her. Now I feel guilty because I feel like I should be doing something to help her. But on the other hand, I'm thinking I want my mum back. My mum who was funny, and helpful. She was one of my best friends, I could talk to her about everything, and she always was encouraging. Now she's only 62 and she has turned into this shrivelled woman who is locked away in her own little world, an insecurities. It's very sad. Sorry to dump on you (2 followers), and my number one daughter, but sometimes just to jot things down, helps to clear your head. x

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