Thursday, 24 May 2012

Ten years ago

We all say that time flies. Well I don't want this to be a depressing post, as I am not depressed. 10 years ago today my little baby boy died. He was born prematurely at 25 weeks and weighed only 1lb 11 and a half ounces. He actually fought and lived for 6 months and by the end of his life he looked like a normal small newborn baby. He died in my arms. That was the worst experience in my life. I think it has taken probably 10 years to get over it, or not get over it, but for it not to cause so much pain. It just seems to pointless and a waste of time. I think it changes you as a person, losing someone. I feel like it was a bad dream, that I have to choose to recall. We all handle grief in a different way, and no way is wrong it's just different.

So ten years on things are different. I now knit LOTS. I did knit always but not as much as I do now. I have another son, not to replace, but to end childbearing on a positive note (8 children in total, 7 still living). I am probably the heaviest I have ever been, but most of the time I am happy. I am grateful for all the things I have, and as I look back I think it's amazing what you can cope with.

Today I am off on a road trip with my best friend. The only downside about our friendship is that she's slimmer than me, no not really (well she is but that's not the downside) The only downside is she's not a knitter, and won't be converted. We are going shopping today, staying at her daughters tonight, ice skating tomorrow and other fun things. I am looking forward to the ice skating, but also thinking hmmm... it's been about 30 years since I went ice skating, I may have been good then, but not sure about now. And hmmm.. I am a lot heavier now, if I fall down it may hurt me A LOT. But you don't know til you try it.

I bought a book called The best of Knitscene. I highly recommend it. It has got some lovely patterns in. I have been knitting a bag, but it's like a string bag, and it looks a bit like crochet. I managed to buy some peaches n creme cotton from ebay, and I have been using that. So far it's looking good, and actually looks like a bag you would use. I am going to line it too, so that I can actually use it. I also have been knitting socks, as they are so portable. The only problem is I have hurt my hand somehow. Not sure how, probably too much knitting. I can't really put all my weight (considerable!!) on it, like when you want to get out of the bath. Even picking up a cup of tea this morning was painful. It's my left hand, so don't need to use it much, but not sure if I will be able to knit this weekend. If it's no better by Monday then I will have to go to the doctors. Typing this is ok, as you are not stretching your hand much to type.  Anyway enough moaning. The sun is out it's 10 to 7 and I am going away for the weekend. Happy Days. See you soon xx

1 comment:

  1. I cant find the right words to say anything about your loss except my heart goes out to you.have a fantastic day and weekend
    big hugs